Haunting Thoughts

I really don't know how to put everything in words. I am trying so hard not to talk about anything that concerns B. I believe that we have both moved on and there's no way of getting back together again specially now that I believe, he's already happy with someone else.

Suddenly it was all coming back to me. I was just browsing on something at google for my friend E then one search result caught my attention. It was a news concerning about the company project of B in Taiwan. They didn't mention anything about him though but I just know it was his project because we were still together when he was so stressed working on it 24/7 (he said) just to meet the deadlines. He was really pressured then because they were competing with the other companies bidding for that same project. I was happy to read that finally they got the deal. Bravo!

Being just a curious human being. I had continued looking at their company website even if I really don't understand the technical terms and it's uses. Then poof! I saw a picture of him..whaaaaa! Funny because I know you can't even see his face but I am sure that was him. Here's one more with his collegue V that I also met in Taiwan...whaaaaa! Okay..I know i'm funny but I can't be wrong.

Then it started..I become suddenly sad. I don't know..I wanted to email him just to say hello but of course I'm holding back since I already really shut him off from my life for a long time now believing that's the best for both. Though he didn't forget to greet me on my birthday, that was just it. I never forget his birthday too, how can you forget 4th of July? I just didn't greet him because I prefer to just pray for him on his very special day.

I no longer think about him much for the past years but sometimes he still do crosses my mind specially now that I already finished writing the book that was inspired by him. I wish he could read it one day because he's the one who really convinced me to write. Somehow I owe him that..not really but a part of it.

Last night while I was talking to E about her bf, I realized that maybe I was too tough when it comes to a relationship. I don't humble myself down to still try to work things out..I never say things like I can't live without him because maybe I was too realistic. Maybe because I know I'll be fine after the break up anyway--yes, I am fine right now--but maybe at this time, having this thoughts of him again, I am convincing myself that soon everything will be alright for me.

I guess..It was really hard because there was really no closure. I had my closure but he didn't had his...don't blame him for that because I would like you to think that it was my fault because I was the one who got away.

Hope he doesn't read my blog anymore. I'll be dead if ever.