Sigh*

Just a year ago, I have met someone cool and eventually become a friend too. Ever since he was back in US, we were constantly communicating with each other. It’s like we’ve been friends for a long time already. Most of the time it was him who writes me and he has to wait for a couple of weeks before I could finally answer it since I am busy with so many things. It’s always nice talking to him but I never entertained the thought that he could be a great prospect since maybe I was not really looking for one when I met him.

The other day we talked about the book that I wrote which he’s now working on the editing part. He also just asked me when I’ll leave for US so he can take a time off to meet up since he still needs to travel from CA ‘cause I’ll be in FL. Suddenly, our conversation went to our friends’ lives that brought our topic to some personal sentiments that I wanted to share.

It was just the part where it was me who does the talking so he was very kind enough to just listen. (some part of the conversation has been deleted for the protection of those people involved. Hehehe..)

K: Well yes, I went out with my male friends but the definition of the word friend is very clear for both so there’s nothing that leads to a romantic relationship. The bliss was not present but inner happiness is there. Maybe I am a perfect example of a person who uses friendship in lieu of having a partner.

C: Aha. (He chuckles)

K: Well, it was not being scared to fall in love again. I just don’t find someone to fall in love with right now. Some friends say I am very idealistic but I think there’s nothing wrong with that. I maybe have the list of my ideal man but I know when one falls in love—it just happens and you don’t get your list from your pocket to check if he is really the one.

C: So! What’s an ideal man for K? (He asked curiously)

K: I like someone who loves to hug me and bring my head close to his shoulder and kiss it. Who will teach me how a man should really treat a woman. Who knows the difference between ‘I care for’ and ‘I care about’ and the rest I leave it up with what they call magic. (I laughed because I realize that sounds so hopeless romantic)

C: (He chuckles) That’s very nice. (It's a little funny because I just remembered that it was actually just how he used to hug me but I had no malice back then)

K: I may look all right and contented but I have some frustrations too—maybe I just know how to deal with it. It’s nice to find myself again. To be happy without the need of someone else. Everyone around me is breaking up and suddenly, without realizing that I have moved on from my past relationship already and is smiling again. It was an achievement and self-satisfying. There’s no easy way in breaking up and no matter how nice you try to break it gently, the fact still remains that it didn’t worked out for the two of you and that you have to go on a separate lives. The nice words will not mend the broken heart and the process of moving on is always different—but you need to help yourself forget until you are ready to look back to those memories when you’re a whole person again.

C: Very well said K.

K: Honestly, the bliss that we feel when we’re in love is also present in me once in awhile. It’s when I watch my favorite movie or hear a good story. It’s when someone remembers me or I remember some good things. I just hope one day, I can finally share with you that the search is over.

C: K, (he pauses and I think he made a sigh)..Florida and I are already waiting for you.

I think I melted a little when he said that. I think it was just nothing to him but I find it really sweet. It was so short but very moving. I guess, it’s just a nice thought that there's someone waiting.

We're still cool anyway.