Pseudo Relationship

Pseudo: n. s(y)oodow – a person who makes deceitful pretences
adj. – not genuine but having the appearance of.

My Definition:

It’s like you are committed but not really stage or what we traditionally known as MU (Mutual Understanding). It is a relationship that has no assurance, no guarantee. It is very likely being a pseudo girlfriend or pseudo boyfriend. Something like we can bluntly call a “fling” kind. Almost like a relationship but not quite. It’s when you are involved with someone more than friends but not pretty much like lovers. It can also be called as “Friends with Benefits” (which I got from my friend Chabeng).

Most of the time there is no agreement. One or both of you may have admitted their special feelings or could also possibly have not. But more often than not, one could just pretend naïve to avoid it. It’s faking thing in some sort. You just let your actions do the talking and pretend it was nothing really when there is actually something. No courtship, there’s no clarity but your gestures and whatever you say is like as if you’re committed but not really.

This kind of relationship could happen after a break-up and you are still in love with each other but for some reasons the relationship must end. For some reasons too, you just don’t want to get back with the commitment in spite of there was a clear actions that the two of you remains the same to each other. I believe this is just BS!

It can also happen when the two of you are still in search of the mystery. It’s possible if one of you doesn’t want to get into a real serious relationship yet and can just be testing the waters. It’s like an experimental stage.

It can also happen to someone who is still in a relationship with someone else and was saying he’s about to break up with her but not really—just to keep you for awhile—hanging! No clear commitment with you for now so that he won’t be named as a “two-timer”.

This Pseudo relationship can be fun for some time but if you’ll just think deep, it’s like you are just in a game. The thing is, your heart is at risk and you shouldn’t expect that this kind of relationship will lead to something you hoped for because there is really no concrete assurance that this kind of start will be a fairytale ending. There’s more of a big possibility of hurting yourself in the process.

The catch is why there are a lot of people who settle for this kind of set-up when they know that they aren’t sure if this will become a real love story?

There could be a lot of reasons. Maybe just for fun, enjoying the bliss one could give. Maybe there was a hope in their hearts that soon there will be unambiguousness. Could also be “it’s better than nothing..” kind. In short, while “the one” hasn’t arrived, you will for a moment play the game.

Maybe for some time they could stand the thought of “better than nothing” just to have someone who will ask them how was her day? To have someone you can cuddle, someone who will make you smile when you receive a text messages, and just simply having someone to be with. This kind of thing is only short-lived, only a momentary. But even if it is only a pseudo relationship, the emotions are real! And most of the time, apparently it’s the girls who suffer. There’s no “us” but only “you and me” kind of thing. It would be nicer maybe if what you can only feel is just pseudo pain too but it can’t be because you played with the heart.

For one, you can’t force him to commit. You will always feel uncertain about your part in his life. You can’t expect him to be always there for you and you worry that if you will demand for something, you might just scare him away. And what if you became too much attached? When you invested so much of your emotions but the other person hasn’t. When you remain faithful to him just to find out that he is seeing someone else.

For awhile I admit that I was also victimized by this kind of relationship but I don’t regret it because for one, at least I would never ask a “what if?” question. Secondly, I was brave enough to get out of that situation right away when I realized that I don’t deserve the kind of set-up because even though it gives me a feeling of bliss—my heart still remains empty. I may be able have just lived by the moment and never think of the consequences but after some time I became real certain that if I’ll continue doing such, I will still end up hurting myself in the process. I made a choice between living by the moment but in deep shit thinking for the future with someone who never thought about our future together or get out of the relationship, enjoy the single life while waiting for “the one” who will treat me right.

Well, I can’t say that there is no harm in trying but I only believe that “what actually scares us are the most worthwhile.” And for those people who awaits “the one”—just be careful, you never know that she could be the one you only thought deserves a pseudo relationship. And when you learned about it, she could probably have already adapted the concept of “He’s not just into me..” that makes “you and her” just part of the history.

Great love and great achievements involve great risk. Remember, we all have choices. We are just too cowardly to accept changes.