Haunted By Taiwan

It’s been a year since I left for Taiwan to see someone who made a big difference in my life. I hope he no longer read my blogs because he hates the idea of sharing into public everything that involves him—for him, it’s too personal—which it really is! Hope this time he doesn’t mind anymore.

Anyway, I believe I gotten over him a long time ago or probably I just have let go of him but still not over him in a sort—whichever! But I can say, he’s already out of my system for the past months even after the chance that he visited me here in Manila last May this year and spent just a night together because he needs to fly back and get his ass back to what he claims 24/7 work project they have in Taiwan.

I’ve been trying to burn the bridges down for me to make sure that he will no longer keep me in contact—which actually I don’t really have to do because we stopped communicating with each other anyway. Just sometimes once in every blue moon I would receive an email from him sharing that he just saw something which reminded him about our times before. How cool is that? (Nick, let me borrow this line ok?) It surprises me but stopped me though from hoping that a time would come that it will be still us in the end. As much as it’s not bad to hope—I believe, it’s also in the same manner when you stopped hoping for something for the better of one self. I need to move on or probably I can use the line: “He’s just not that into you anymore.”

Lately, I suddenly felt the time when I was fixing the trip to Taiwan. I may sound crazy but I can smell Taiwan. I am making myself believe that it’s all in the mind—well, what’s the distinct smell anyway? I saw the box where B placed his gift for me which he parceled for my birthday last April. He sprayed or should I say poured the perfume I gave him all over the thing that made me feel him when I opened it. It went all over my room that lasted for a day—no joke! Even the lotion that I was using made me remember the feeling I had when I was there—weird I know because I’ve been using the brand ever since but only now it gives me this bizarre feeling suddenly.

Let me deal and remember the details to help me get over this after—I hope. I remember the feeling I had when I was waiting for my boarding time. All the thoughts are still completely into my head suddenly. I had mixed emotions which I am again feeling right now while typing this. It’s like coming back from that lounge where I waited for an hour. I remember we were texting and both of us couldn’t believe that again we will be seeing each other in a few hours time—I couldn’t believe that I actually sent a message, “I’ll see you later..” I know this sounds very dramatic but our situation only depends on chances, destiny, or let me have fate as well. At this moment, it was both effort and chances.

Then boarding time..

It was a late afternoon flight because that was just right time for B getting of from work so he can pick me up at the airport (which by the way he said it will be only the driver who will be waiting for me). Estimated time of my arrival at Taipei will be somewhat 6pm as far as I can remember. Then the first thing I did when the plane landed was switch my mobile phones whichever has roaming—only my personal line has. Anyway, I can remember the feeling of both excitement and nervousness. I know I am trying to pretend normal but my whole body is shaking. Why not?! I am bound to be with this person again that I might no longer bound to see again when he left for Italy.

I got lost because I was out of my mind. I went out to a different exit because I’ll type again that I was out of mind! I was expecting a driver but since I got lost he revealed that he is at the airport to see me. When I finally found where he was standing—10 steps away my world stops! No I didn’t fainted—I think that is exaggerated already but seriously, my world stops! He came and all I said out of nervousness was, “Where’s the car?” I didn’t even hug him nor give him a kiss just like the normal love stories we see in the movies. I over pretended not to feel excited I guess! (He said I was obviously shaking when I confessed few months after on how I felt on that meeting)

Waking me up in the morning all curled up for our Starbucks breakfast which the only breakfast I had from day 1 up to the last morning I was there. Going back to the room and check if there’s any important email back home—from work. Enjoying the company of the Taiwanese housekeepers which we couldn’t hardly understand each other anyway. Arrange his clothes inside the cabinet and set the ones that have to be on laundry. Read few pages of my book while I am waiting for his clothes to be washed (which I really enjoy doing for him—I did this voluntarily). Take a shower before he comes back to pick me up for lunch and again him—knocking at the door! Eat at the favorite place he named “pork chop” that until now I don’t know really the name of the place. They serve good food that they will cook in front of you then you wish that you have taken your bath after lunch instead because the smell sticks into your clothes and skin. Since my actual first day in Hsin Chu is Saturday, he finished work earlier to have a time to go to the mall. We went to Windance and had a hard time looking for that Italian restaurant that even the security guards couldn’t tell us where to find it—we ended up eating dinner at KFC! It was fun though. I think you can find nice things even on bad times if you are with someone you dream to be with everyday of your life.

The road we walked on..the smell of the place..every corner of the room..just the feeling of being there—I can still clearly remember. The sunlight that welcomes me each morning, the view in our veranda! The way he tied my sneakers which never changed up to this moment. The midnight dance with him (Feels Like Home Song). Damn! Why I still remember every single detail now?! On earth! This makes me sick!

Taiwan in particular is not a special place for someone who came from Manila. It’s just the same same thing but I haven’t been really around though. It became special because it was a special meeting with someone I thought would be forever. I remember all the days spent together but it will give me a book to write down everything.

It doesn’t matter for me if he still remembers this things but I guess he’ll never forget this moment anyway. Not because of me being there but I think because this was the time when the biggest thing in his life started—let me not include the part that I was in his life. It just so happen that I was present but not really. How cool is that?

It was certainly after all we still consider this our BEST OF JULY.

Now, since my heart is all feeling strange, I decide to play the movie shots we had back there. It still puts a smile in my face now. I miss him but not badly as it was before. I wish he’s here because I am a little bit sad that needs his arms and no one else. I guess, just for now.

I remember the face he had on my last night with him. I remember his tears and the words that only the heart can understand. I remember, the day we said goodbye at the airport with full hopes that someday we’ll meet again. I remember those eyes—the last time I saw that he loves me. (I know this for a fact because I saw different eyes when I had him again last May)

“Once you've lost that person, he or she is forever lost and they took a part of you that is lost too. Nobody can replace them. If someone better comes along, then that's good but the memories of the past, unfortunately, still remain.”

Here's our song from the movie Before The Sunset

An Ocean Apart

Now we are together, sitting outside in the sunshine
But soon we'll be apart and soon it'll be night at noon
Now things are fine, the clouds are far away up in the sky
But soon I'll be on a plane and soon you'll feel the cold rain

You promised to stay in touch when we're
promised before i left that you'll always love me.
Time goes by, people cry, everything goes too fast.
Now we have each other enjoying each moment with one another
But soon I'll be miles away and soon the phone will be our only way

You promised we'll never break up over the telephone
You said our love was stronger than an ocean apart
Time goes by and people lie, everything goes too fast.

Let's not fool ourselves in vain, this far away trip will give us pain
We'll have to be so strong to keep our love from going wrong
Distance will make us cold, even put our love on hold
But soon we'll meet again and soon it'll be bright at noon again

You promised not to loose faith in our love when i'm away
You promised so much to me but now you've left me
We go by and then we lie all this time we wasted
Time goes by, people lie everything goes too fast.

Time went by, and then we died, everything went too fast.