Wish Number 5

Wish number 5 was granted!

My Italian big bro L said, “Just live every moment of your life like its going to be your last and take only the right moment of it to feed your heart.”

There are things happens beyond our control and these things always happen for a reason. We may always be left confused but sometimes it’s better to leave things unanswered.

I have done choices/risk in the past, many times I failed but it helped me grow as a better person. Things sometimes doesn’t go the way I want it to be—I will think that I need to find myself but I guess there is no such thing as finding yourself. Most of us love to drown ourselves in the past when we have a bigger picture ahead that we need to look forward to. Why we need to let beautiful things pass just because we are still haunted by the past? When there’s no other choice but it will still boils down to one thing—move on!

My long overdue questions were answered but after finding those answers another batch of questions are playing in my thoughts again. I am no longer in a crossroads because I never wanted to put myself in that life situation again although sometimes unavoidable—well, it’s better than the end of the road. I am thankful that life has been good to me the past months. I was given surprises which I’ve been wanting long time ago but the price is too high that now I need to deal with.

I loved someone but don’t want to love him no more. I am maybe just in a period of not confusions but unfairness. I want to be there for him but I want to run away as well for the reason that I don’t want to question him for the things he feels at this point. I want to be a good friend but I am hurting myself. I know he will think that again I misunderstood him but how I wish I can let my mind stop thinking but I will be stupid by then. He sees that I am a special girl to everyone but I felt not special in some point of our past. I care about him but doing that I care less with how I feel.

Nevertheless, I am still thankful that the impossible wishes in my list--some were granted. Now I understand that the past prepared me to be tough—just for this that I will again feel a little unwell. I am sure to be fine soon—I may sounds crazy but I think I am just a little not at my best.

I will remain to be the same-same me with no hopes of “US”..It's still good to have you back in this place I want to think is “HOME” for you.